There were lots of times that I "felt" really close to God, and I became addicted to that feeling. We found that manipulating emotion was a vital part of charismatic worship. We called our work "ushering the people into the Throne Room," but what we were really doing was manipulating the flesh as in order to acheive a spiritual result. "Conjuring up" the Holy Spirit, you might say, and always with an expectation of some "manifestation" of His presence - so whatever happened in the service was attributed to Him.

Yet He is so gracious. Our ignorance and witchcraft (and that's exactly the right word to describe the manipulation we practiced) did not prevent His Spirit from reaching and liberating the lost, nor from enlightening them from His word, nor from healing the sick and answering prayer.

I have seen one genuinely instantaneous healing. But it wasn't in a heated, intense church meeting nor revival tent nor was the 700 Club playing on TV. It was just me and one other person, an ordinary prayer and an "ordinary" answer, with extraordinary speed. No drama, no hype, no conjuring. Just a humble request and God's response.

But nothing I can't explain from Scripture - but there are so many things I can't explain from His word, like why He should care for such a corrupt, twisted creature as I; nor why He chose me for redemption.