Pilgrim, I agree with you that salvation is all about grace. Everyone (elect and non-elect) is born with a sin nature, totally depraved. I, too, hold tenaciously to unconditional election. I agree with you that God loves some and hates others (Romans 9:13). Obviously, God loves His elect. If all infants who die in infancy are elect, then God loves all of them. You may be familiar with W.G.T. Shedd (1820-1894), a Presbyterian who taught at Auburn, Andover, and Union Seminary, New York. He was a great defender of the Westminster Confession of Faith. Shedd commented on infants:

“In the first place, we have ground for believing that all of mankind who die in infancy will be regenerated by the Holy Spirit. . . . The Protestant Church understands the Bible to declare that all who die in infancy die regenerate. Probably all evangelical denominations, without committing themselves to the statements of the Westminster Confession concerning ‘election’, would be willing to say that all dying infants ‘are regenerated and saved by Christ through the Spirit, who worketh when, and where, and how he pleaseth’ (Conf. x. 3).”

(W.G.T. Shedd, Calvinism: Pure & Mixed, pages 126-127)