sojourner, apology accepted.
It is obvious that you do not understand Gods sovereignty. God does have a sovereign plan and has decreed everything that will come to pass. But that does not eliminate human responsibility, especially since that is clearly shown in scripture. I know that i am a sinner who deserves Gods wrath. God has graciously chosen to save me from sin, not because of anything God has seen in me but because it was his good pleasure. When God looks at me he sees me as righteous because Christ propitiated the wrath of God. I know this because i have my faith in Christ and live my life in gratitude. I agree that we need to make our calling and election sure and examine and test ourselves to make sure we are in the faith. A few ways of knowing... This is love for God: to obey his commands. Preserverence is a great way to prove our faith genuine, along with suffering and trials. Love your brothers. Live in godliness.
To merely know everything about God will not do, for even the demons believe and they shudder.

I do not believe God is the author of sin, like you have stated, in that he does not tempt anyone to sin and in him is no darkness. james 1:13; 1 john 1:5
But he DID create evil and darkness in the way that it is said in Isaiah 45:7.

You said "Even if I wanted to believe Total Depravity it would be an impossibility for me to chose"
It would not be impossible for you to choose to believe in total depravity for i choose to do things all of the time. Though it would be imposible for you to choose to put your trust in Christ since that is against your nature. But dont worry, God can fix that by making you a new creature. I would recommend getting down on your knees and pleading for mercy.

Another great book i would recomend very highly for you to read is aw pinks book called the sovereinty of God. If you are at all interested in what i believe or what the bible teaches about Gods sovereignty then it would do you good to read at least a few chapters in this book.