Mike

Actually what Kyle said makes perfect sense. However perhaps your problem is that you haven’t fully grasped what he has said.
I thought you might benefit from reading the following two articles.
http://www.the-highway.com/depravity_Boettner.html
http://www.the-highway.com/Irresistible_Murray.html

By the way, I was Arminian for over half of the 30 years I was a Christian.
I only started to embrace the doctrines of grace, other wise known as Calvinism, after a lot of prayer and study on the issues.
In more than one way, it cost me a lot to change my Arminian belief system. Those studies caused things like sleepless nights, depression, marital friction, and a few family members openly hostile against Calvinism. Some of these things several members of these boards know about.
Yet I can honestly say that although those things were not in anyway pleasant, it was worth it in the long run.
One of the things I now realize is that although I didn’t know it back then, my Arminian beliefs made me view Scripture and God through the eyes of man. I now look at Scripture and God, through the eyes of our sovereign God.
I am not sure if that makes sense to you, but I have heard many Calvinists say this very thing. I guess it might be something that can only be recognized once it is experienced.
Perhaps, that could be put in a more coherent way. If anyone else reading this wants to do that be my guest.

I will also say that all this didn’t happen over night either. So if it happens to you, only the Lord knows how long it will take.

Tom