What do you folks think about the "apostacy" scriptures?:
Hebrews 10:26 Hebrews 6 2 Peter 2:20
I am in much despair and depression regarding these scriptures. I was once wholly committed to and motivated by the Saviour Jesus; I knew eternal life to be mine. But then for selfish reasons, I neglected my personal relationship with Christ to pursue a questionable sexual lifestyle with my wife in my marriage (no adultry). Although I attempted to merge two lifestyles together, I made a conscious descision to pursue sexual enchancement in my marriage as apposed to seeking God. Although I did not fall away from the faith, I backslid and avoided reading the Bible and being with other Christians during a four month period. I hardened my heart and took joy and delight in earthly pleasures as apposed to my relationship with Jesus Christ. After four months of this behavior, I repented and began to seek God again. I had a desperate feeling that there was something wrong because of what I had done; I began to wonder if I had fallen away. I was studying the Bible and read Hebrews 10:26 and it terrified me; at the time I was convinced that I had "sinned willfully after having knowledge of the truth" and had nothing to look forward to but the "fiery expectation". Its been about 1.5 months of anxiety, depression, and sometimes utter despair/panic as I try to seek God and realize His forgiveness. I've done much studying on these scriptures with fellow believers and commentaries.
