Dear Highway User:

First, like others, I wouldn't take lightly your situation, and I second the view of Richard who told you that only the Holy Spirit can assure you that you are not the man in the iron cage. I respect Bunyan's teachings greatly and wouldn't take lightly the warning he has given here.

Also, it is difficult, and indeed inappropriate, to give all the details in a format like this, and due to the exceeding wickedness of our hearts we usually don't see all of the details clearly at a time like this, that is, while you are in the midst of trying to recover from a grevious sin. Thus, to cover all the aspects in detail is impossible on a discussion board.

Having said all of that I would gently but firmly direct your attention to a few things:

1) Satan is real. He has real power and does use it, and temptation to sexual sins is one of his favorite tools. You are not the first to fall for this temptation, witness David, who not only committed sexual sin but covered it with lying and murder.

2) Therefore, if the Hebrew passage always meant sinning against light which David clearly had, or if it meant that sexual sin was always doing dispite to the Spirit of Grace, then David would be guilty of this and therefore not a true believer. Thus, the Bunyan illustration does not necessarily apply, based on the little we know about your situation. All these things are given for our instruction.

3) Granted, David had much evidence in his life of a true conversion. His evidence was what all the Puritans spoke of as true evidence, BOTH the inward witness of the Spirit and the outward witness of a life of fruitfulness. If you lack these things then you will find it difficult, if not impossible to find solace until you do. God is not going to wave a majic wand over your situation, much as we would like Him to.

No doubt David, inspite of Satans attempts to cloud his mind at the time of his fall into these grevious sins, and there is considerable scriptural evidence to support this, Ps 38 for one, but no doubt David had many evidences he could look back on to convince him that he was a partaker of grace. Even so, as I read the Psalms, he had to do what all sinners must do, and will indeed do if they are true children, and that is "call upon the Lord" until He hears and answers you.

4)IMO, this is really the only way, along with repentance and good fruit, you will ever have the answer to your question. Notice the the man in the cage said that the Lord had denied him repentance. You do not know this until you have sought that repentance night and day and given Him no rest. Satan and your own fallen nature will keep you in a perpetual cycle of doubt and carnal reasoning about this which will ultimately drive you to distraction, not to mention keep you from the Biblical answer, repentance and prayer.

5)If you read carefully what words Bunyan used in his description of the situation you will find that the man in the cage said that he failed "to watch and pray". In our day and age, when indwelling sin and the evil one are taken so lightly, these words are passed over lightly. But Bunyan, who was quite close to his brother in the Lord John Owen, meant something very specific by those words. You can find an extremely readable and practical exposition of what those words mean and how to apply them to your life in a little book called "What Every Christian Needs to Know".

It is a modern readable condensation of Owens two works on Sin and Temptation. I have used the book and apart from the Bible have found it to be one of the best answers to the situation in which you find yourself. I highly encourage you to purchase it and study it closely and to put it into practice. If you do this you will have the answer to your question before long. There is a brief write up on the little book here:

http://www.banneroftruth.org/pages/articles/article_detail.php?58

The book can be purchase here:

http://www.trinitybookservice.org/6247x.html

It is my sincere desire and prayer that you find these things helpful. As one who speaks from experience, if you will avail yourself of Owen's wisdom and put it into practice, I believe you will find that it not only answers your question, but will put you on a road, called the Highway of Holiness, on which you will find victory over these sins, and find "joy and peace in believing".

Conversely, I must also be honest with you and say if you will not do this, then you have the answer to your question already, for the man in the cage sought not holiness nor the peace of God which accompanies it.

In Him,

Gerry