My joy was never full. It was always tempered by the knowledge that I constantly had to produce works in order to maintain it If I did not epxerience the rapturous highs often enough, I engaged in self-condemnation, frantically searching for the hidden sin, corruption, or lack in my life that was causing it. It was no way for a Christian to live. Thank the Lord he brought me out of it. In spite of the very high cost I paid, I still consider it well worth the price.