Our prayers are with your family in this situation. It appears there are several things going on here.

First, judge yourself and pray and ask God to show you any shortcomings regarding your communication(s) and relationship with your wife. Apparently, your wife has decided, knowing how you feel, to not to obey the voice of her husband. There must be a reason why? PLEASE NOTE: I am not saying that you have done anything wrong, but something someplace is amiss.

Second, go to your wife and ask her if you have offended her in any way. Ask the question WHY she desired to make this decision without your (1) knowledge (2) blessings. Really listen to her answers.

Though the issue about not being qualified to serve as a deacon is VERY important (and IMHO Scripture says women should not serve in this office) it is not the MOST important issue going on here.

We will be in prayer for you and your family concerning this.

Reformed and Always Reforming,