The Highway Forums General Discussion Theology Discussion Forum Unequally Yoked and Dating

Can a person be disciplined for willfully dating an unbeliever? Or is it 'ok'...so long as they don't get engaged..or worse, marry?

blessings, laz

On what grounds would a church have for disciplining a professed believer who is dating a professed unbeliever? In other words, is there a moral commandment which forbids this? Certainly it is not "ok" if what you mean by "dating" is more than a casual going out for a burger etc., i.e., if there is a romantic intent to it. In that case, then the spiritual health and/or condition of the professed believer should be a concern to all.

In His grace,

By dating I would say not but if the believer is letting an unbeliever use their body as some kind of an amusement park or is joined in holy matrimony to an unbeliever after much admonition not too yes the church should discipline. Also if they are not disciplined which is usually so nowadays, as a believer I can not allow myself to fellowship with them.

William

Pr 6:28 Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?
Why would a believer want to play with fire like that? It's not a matter of "will I get disciplined" but, is this something that will glorify God? What happens if you "fall in love" with this unbeliever? Will you then pray that they get saved? It would be better to "date" those who are already Christians (IMHO).

Tom F.

Welcome to the Highway.

Thanks for offering your opinion and the Scripture references. I agree with you. As a parent I would instruct my son NOT to date an unbeliever. Because the Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has light with darkness.

However, two things that Laz asked could use further clarification. I noticed he didn't use the term "date" in the singular sense but rather plural. Which means ongoing dating that could lead to something more. This resembles "courting" which is intended to lead to a more committed relationship. The second thing he didn't mention in his question is who should do the disciplining. I think Pilgrim may have rightly understood him to mean the church. Certainly someone should demonstrate their concern for this relationship and explain what the Bible teaches before it does become more serious.

It's too easy to just let young people make up their own minds when they don't realize the long term consequences for the choices they make. A parent, relative, fellow church member, or just a friend of the young believer should refer them to some of the Scripture texts that speak to this issue and help them make the right choice.


Wes <img src="/forum/images/graemlins/BigThumbUp.gif" alt="" />

Wes - I've always liked you! ;-) The dating has been going on for about 18 months and I was indeed referring to Church discipline.

My Pastor/Session has taken Pilgrim's position...in terms of not having firm biblical grounds to 'discipline'. Yet, both have been counseled, even told that she may NOT marry the boy. She doesn't seem to have a problem with this. ???? The young man does regularly attend our services...but was raised outside the faith and has not made a profession of faith. He wants to make sure it's what he REALLY believes. I can respect that.

....it doesn't help that the gal is an elder's daughter within our church...

I was told that we can't assume the nature/extent of the relationship, however, if they were to get engaged, discipline would surely follow. Short of that...there lacks biblical warrant to discipline...as Pilgrim said.

I think the whole matter stinks...

blessings and thanks to all who responded,

Laz,

Just a few additional comments....

If this young couple were to make it known that they wanted to get married my pastor would insist on meeting with them a few times prior to their wedding to counsel them. These counseling sessions would be to discuss God's will in a marriage relationship.

However, if one (or both) of the two remains a non-believer he would not be willing to perform the wedding ceremony. Nor would the elders allow the church to be used for this purpose. It simply would not be a Christian marriage.


Wes