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#44200 Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:23 PM
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Big Al Offline OP
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I'm hoping that someone here can point me to some scripture that will guide and/or assist me with a "life problem" I have.

I hope not to get into too much detail here but my wife and I have been married for 47 years. She is 75 and because of a number of incapacitating illnesses, lives in a nearby nursing home and has been there for over seven years. She is, thank God, pretty stable and not so demented that she DOES enjoy my daily visits with her. I visit her every day for 3-4 hours.

The "problem" I have is severe lonliness in her absence from my life! I have often said that life is a "card game" with God as the dealer. We must play the cards that he deals us in the best way we know how.

But that doesn't prevent me from sometimes getting angry at the severity of our situation. I periodically cry myself to sleep, even after all these years, for missing her so!

I'm hoping that someone on The Highway can direct me to some counselling, consoling and tutoring scripture that might help me to deal with this terrible loss of my life's partner.

I hope y'all won't think I'm silly for making this post!



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Big Al #44201 Sat Feb 13, 2010 10:43 PM
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Big Al

As someone who loves my wife and has been married for 27 years, I can understand the position you find yourself in.
You are correct to ask on this board for counseling and I think you should also put in a request for prayer on the Prayer Forum.

As to counseling, I would recommend the following site. They might have a councilor in your area.
http://www.nouthetic.org/

Tom

Tom #44204 Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:10 AM
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Big Al Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Tom
...you should also put in a request for prayer on the Prayer Forum.

As to counseling...

Thanks for the response Tom! I will visit the Prayer Forum. Since I'm new here, I hadn't found it yet.

My native born NY grammar didn't make clear that I would like to know two or three good scripture topics that I can refer to for strength once in awhile, i.e. "counselling."

I do have a local doctor I visit on occasion and she declares me physically OK and that I don't need anti-depressants or the like. She said lonliness can be "battled" (my word) with the companionship of others and that I should get involved in some social activities. As a result and to give something back as it were, I am a daily volunteer at that same nursing home. I take residents for outside medical appointments. It helps tremendously AND I've added MANY new friends in the process. It's the coming home in late afternoon to this house, empty except for my kitty and me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not walking around blubbering all the time, but in a moment of quiet I would like to open The Book and read some words of strengthening power.


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Big Al #44205 Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:20 AM
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There is no better place than the Bible to go for comfort. As Pilgrim quoted from Psalms73:25,26 in the shout box, Christ is our greatest comfort.
Quote
Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee. My flesh and my heart faileth; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. Ps 73:25,26
Personally, I find great comfort from reading the Psalms, as so many of them touch upon many of the real struggles that people commonly face in life and provide godly wisdom in how we are to respond to them. You will find that all of the Bible gives completely trustworthy and reliable information about who God is and how man may come to know Him.

In the book of Job, we learn of a man who had to endure many great trials (including the foolishness of his friends). Job, as you know suffered incredible hardships and the best his friends could say, including his wife were wrong. Yet Job learned through this who his God was and could say by faith in Job 19:25 "For I know that my Redeemer lives." God put him through this time of testing and at the end of this time, Job was made firm in his faith and Job knew that he could trust God above all things, and in all things.

Al, I am sorry that you are having to endure so much sorrow and loneliness. It helps and is wonderful to hear of your love for your wife and how you care for her as you have been doing. It says much of about who you are and love for her. I am praying for you.

You do well to want to come to "the Book" as you said for it is the only place where you can learn true things of God. As you approach reading the Scriptures, pray that God will open the Scriptures to you that you may know more of God and of how He would have you to come to Him by faith in Christ. There are also many good articles here on The Highway that you might find helpful too. Ultimate Questions by John Blanchard is one of over 1,600 books, articles, and sermons that you will find. J.C. Ryle wrote a beautiful sermon on Prayer that is most comforting and instructive.

This is just a beginning Al and I hope of some use to you. Hopefully, others here will provide more help.


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chestnutmare #44206 Sun Feb 14, 2010 6:19 PM
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Big Al Offline OP
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That's a really enlightening coincidence. Today at lunch, while waiting for my wife's meal, I read from Psalm 71 (old age) to her.

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O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works. Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come. Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O God, who is like unto thee!

Perhaps I should pay more attention to my study of Psalms. Hey, thanks for the tip.


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Big Al #44208 Sun Feb 14, 2010 9:30 PM
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Big Al,

First of all, your feelings of loneliness are certainly expected. When God first created Adam our earthly father, He acknowledged, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him," (Gen 2:18). And thus The Lord God created Eve to be his wife and help meet. We can also read of Adam's approval and excitement when he uttered, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:" (Gen 2:23). And finally, the bond that existed between them, Adam & Eve was a relationship which could never exist between anything else God created except between a man and a woman. For God Himself said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (v. 24)

What needs to be considered now, however, is that despite this very intimate relationship which a husband and wife are to have, it is secondary to that relationship which we are to have with our Creator. This can be easily understood from what our Lord Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, said here:

Quote
Matthew 22:37-39 (ASV) "And he said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second like [unto it] is this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (cf. Deut 6:5; 10:12; 11:13; Josh 22:5; Mark 12:29-33)
Please note the order of one's affections, loyalty and obedience... Love God first! Love your neighbor secondly. So, what is your point, you might ask? Let me answer you with a quote from William Bridge:

"So long as man has encouragement elsewhere, he does not encourage himself in the Lord his God...Now when God sees that his children fall in love more with the nurse than himself, then he removes the nurse, and causes their peace to be suspended and interrupted."

Another Puritan, Thomas Guthrie spoke in a similar manner when he wrote:

"If you find yourself loving any pleasure better than your prayers, any book better than the Bible, any house better than the house of God, any table better than the Lord's table, any person better than Christ, any indulgence better than the hope of heaven - take alarm!"


And lastly, the Lord Jesus Christ spoke these words,

Matthew 10:37 "He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

And,

Luke 14:26 "If any man cometh unto me, and hateth not [loves more than me] his own father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."

We can see clearly from just these passages and there are many, many more which address the same idea, that we are to love God first and foremost above all things including those closest to us here on earth. For He, God, is worthy of our whole being for it is from Him that all things are given, including those whom we love; even the love we have for them and they for us.

Lastly, I couldn't offer anything better than what Chestnutmare has offered for the purpose of bringing comfort to a weeping heart. The Psalms are a record, especially of David of Israel, a man after God's own heart, of the human spirit and it's relationship to both God and man. In them we are given to know what it is like to love God with all one's heart, mind, soul and strength; to love the law, precepts, statues and commandments of God with one's whole being for in them is life to be found; to suffer at the hands of those one considered to be close friends, even one's very own son; endure persecution, trials, tribulation, etc.; and to know the love of God as that which is most desirable for He is a covenant-keeping God Who never abandons His own. There is much to be gleaned from the Psalms. But perhaps there is nothing more important than they point to Jesus Christ as one's true love, hope and joy. Oh yes, He is there if you look for Him. wink

As an addendum, I want you to know that this is not to diminish the comfort that humans can offer to each other. We are to "bear one another's' burdens". But it is no less true, that the comfort one human being can offer another human being pales in comparison to that comfort that God gives to those who are united with Christ. Our mutual comfort is simple and temporal. Christ's comfort is deep and eternal.

I'll let God have the last and best word:

Quote
Hebrews 4:12-16 (ASV) "For the word of God is living, and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing even to the dividing of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and quick to discern the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and laid open before the eyes of him with whom we have to do. Having then a great high priest, who hath passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we have not a high priest that cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but one that hath been in all points tempted like as [we are, yet] without sin. Let us therefore draw near with boldness unto the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace to help [us] in time of need."
In His grace,





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Big Al #44216 Mon Feb 15, 2010 1:06 PM
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Big Al,
Welcome to this site.I think that you will find the people here friendly: and knowledgeable in various fields.I can say that since I've been here I have grown more in my spiritual life than in any other time that I recall.
After reading your post and seeing the love that you have for your wife I just have to tell you a bit about my last few months.My wife and I have been married 43 years.She is the love of my earthly life.
Just before Thanksgiving she had a stroke.I spent most of the next month crying myself to sleep, alone every night.God reminded me during that time, through the scriptures that we are created for a purpose.In the book of John 12:27-33 Jesus became troubled in his soul because he knew that the next day he would be crucified but he asked"What shall I say then,Father save me from this hour? But for this purpose I came for this hour. Father glorify thy name." He came knowing that he would suffer one of the most terrible forms of death yet willingly went through with it for such a sinner as I.
Al, I feel your pain as well as your loneliness.My advice to you would be to read the Psalms as Patrice has suggested but read in the New Testament also as God can speak to you from any scripture.If you would like,look at my profile.There you will find my email address where you can speak to me directly.
I copied part of a post that I wrote shortly after my wife's stroke.I will include it here so that you might take encouragement from knowing that there are others that are suffering and also know that there is a reason for all that happens.
Thank you Jacy,
What a wonderful testimony.He is our shepherd.I have been reading the 23 Psalm to Brenda every night before I have to leave her sometimes stopping because I can't see the words for my tears.She does her best to quote the parts that she can recall.
I do thank and praise Him for his goodness.We don't know what His ultimate plan is through our sicknesses but I had a glimpse of that last night.Someone asked me at the hospital after seeing Brenda,why God allows this kind of thing to happen to a person like her that lives a godly life and does only good for others.I could only respond that this is a sick and sinful world that we live in and christians aren't promised shielding from strokes and cancer any more than non christians.But, there is coming a time,praise Jesus,that she and you Jacy will be in His presence and will suffer no more.
I would like to thank all those who have prayed for Brenda.She is making steady improvement.She can now string sentences together and can recognize everyone that comes in to see her.She still has a feeding tube in her nose and will have to keep it until she can pass the "swallow" test.She has moved her left arm a few times and we are told that PT will restore the use of it.
Like you Jacy,we have had a Thanksgiving that we will never forget.
Psalm 47:8 God sittith on the throne of his holiness.
_________________________

Last edited by sojourner; Mon Feb 15, 2010 1:10 PM.

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sojourner #44217 Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:34 PM
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Big Al Offline OP
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A response to BOTH Pilgrim and Sojourner.

Thank you BOTH for the excellent "counsel" I had hoped I would receive here at The Highway! Your words, encouragement AND scripture quotes are educational to one such as me, amateur in my knowledge of The Book.

Sojourner, I pray for your wife and partner as I will for my own. But, in my amateur way of saying what you and Pilgrim have said, I often tell people that life on this earth is akin to a card game, with God The Father as the dealer. We must play the cards he deals and acknowledge his supremacy above all else. His "dealership" guides my life and that's why I occasionally read from scripture to her in quiet moments of our visits. Billie knows that she and I are in God's hands and I'm just not eloquent enough to say that in a proper manner.

Again, thank you Sojourner and Pilgram AND Chestnut Mare for your thoughtful words of help and support.

PS to Pilgrim: I enjoy reading from Matthew...


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