I am to blame for my state. Not God. The reason I cannot fully express my wickedness and need for Christ is that there are not enough words nor enough time. The reason I do not continue from Romans 7 into Romans 8, though I am well aware of it (and consider it one of the most beautiful and useful chapters in all of Scripture), is that Paul is regenerate, and I am not.

An aside: I do not ask God to save me. I did, many times. I no longer do. Why? Because of what it would cost Him. How can I claim to love Him if I would ask Him to bear the punishment, not merely for the sins of all of His people, but mine, which might well outweigh the entire sum of theirs combined? If I love Him would I not wish for that horrible punishment to remain upon myself, and if I love others, would I not want His precious blood to be shed for them, and not for me?

Limited/Particular Atonement does not stop me from wishing, praying, and working for the salvation of others, albeit not nearly so much nor so well as i ought. But it does pretty much keep me from wanting my own. I cannot want it because it could only happen at the expense of His shed blood. The lake of fire is where I ultimately belong, and, even should He sovereignly choose to deliver me from it, some part of me will lament, knowing that He suffered the equivalent amount of suffering, enduring the wrath of God that I deserved but He did not, on behalf of something I consider unworthy of the very least of His thoughts. I will never understand. I will be grateful, but I will never understand. His shed blood for others? I hardly understand that. But for me? That which is of infinite worth, for that which is of none?

Aspiring student of Christ