The Highway Forums General Discussion Open Forum Pastor's wife

My church is in the process in finding our next pastor. What are some crucial things to discover when talking with the pastor's wife. I know it is said that we are calling a pastor, not his wife, but still a wife is vitally important in her husband's ministry.

Our church experienced difficulties with our last two pastor wives over the last 5-6 years. Recently, the wife left the marriage, and the earlier one had sensitivity problems when her husband received criticism, she was insecure, and did not like it when her husband was called away to perform his pastoral duties.

So, what should a search committee look for, ask, and observe when talking with the wife? Are we out of line when thinking that the wife is part of her husband's ministry.

John,

I really don't know of any "standard" to which a pastor's wife must adhere to other than the obvious which Scripture sets forth, e.g., a believer (valid profession of faith), submissive to her husband, not usurping his authority, hospitable, etc. She is not required to be a theologian, although she should be able to articulate the fundamentals of the faith; Reformed in your particular case. I'm not sure that a pastor's wife should be required to submit to a committee to answer questions. An informal get-together with the elders and other select members of the church might be far more profitable in order to get to know the woman.

What I do hold true is that a pastor's wife can be a tremendous help or someone who can destroy the man and/or the church. She certainly should be an important part of the considerations for a pastor.

Question: Are not any of the current elders under consideration for the position? If not... Why?

I would need to look at the BCO, but the PCA breaks elders into Teaching Elders and Ruling Elders. Except for a very few cases, a Teaching Elder should be seminary trained and take a comprehensive ordination exam before being ordained to the gospel ministry. The Ruling Elders are ordained as REs, but not as a TEs. None of our REs senses a call to the gospel (pastoral) ministry.

Does that answer your question.

Typical of a Presbyterian denomination to bifurcate the ONE OFFICE of elder into two, where Scripture only gives one set of qualifications for the ONE office. My personal view is that the most orthodox and trained elder needs to take those men aside who exhibit gifts for the office and teach and prepare them. If the congregation, which should be putting forth such men, also recognizes those gifts then if formal training is needed or desired, then the church should financially support them and provide for them in that training. Of course, given the situation today, WHERE would you send them, given all the heretical teachings that are being allowed in most of the once lauded institutions... but that is another matter.

Amen, Pilgrim! The bible makes no distinction between "teaching elders" and "ruling elders." All elders rule and are supposed to be "apt to teach," according to the scripture. While I recognize a "first among equals" example in the bible, I don't recognize a distinction between "clergy elders and lay elders."

I too am in a PCA church. The previous PCA church I went to had no term limits for church officers (term limits for church officers aren't in the bible), but ended up being ruled effectively by a single family. For life.

My present PCA church has "term limits." Not really an expiration of an officer's authority, but a requirement that he be re-affirmed every so often by a vote of the congregation. No single family "runs the church for life" as was the case at the other church. My present church has raised up and equipped at least two missionaries and one pastor.

I think the biblical model is for elders to mentor, disciple, equip, and train gifted men for the church offices. Sending our kids away to be trained by strangers in some faraway place seems quite foreign to the biblical examples.

If the man your church is considering for the position of teaching elder is married, then it would be reasonable, in my estimation to consider what their family life is like and the wife does have something to do with that. (1Tim. 3:4) Much grief might be avoided by knowing beforehand if the wife seeks to be a godly wife and support for her husband. Is HE able to rule his house well? or does he live with a woman who considers herself to be a bit of a co-pastor, usurping his authority, belittling him in public and diminish his respectability; or is she a gossip; slanderer; and on. A wife can destroy her husband's ministry by her sinful behavior. She can also be a great asset. Something to consider, I think. Training up someone from within your church would give you that advantage for you would know that family fairly well. Should she undergo the same kind of indepth theological interview as her husband? No. But definitely considered as she must complement her husband's ministry.

Absolutely not. The two are one flesh. Particularly given your church's bitter experience with previous pastors, use discernment when you speak with the candidate's wife. Despite the tragic consequences for your congregation, the good that can come from this is that the curent search committee is now more aware of warning signals or concerns that perhaps previous search committees overlooked.