Let me be equally direct, but, hopefully, not unkind. Because I'm not sure you're hearing me. Or maybe I'm not being sufficiently unclear.

Never claimed my sins were too much for God to cleanse IF He so chose. He is infinitely able. That's not in question here.

Paul's statement in 1 Tim. 1:15 can be read (and was, I believe, by Spurgeon among others) as meaning not that Paul was chief of sinners but that we are ALL to see ourselves as the chiefs of sinners.

I'm aware that God does not promise to hear the prayers of the wicked. I pray them anyway, because what I seek is the glory of God, the edification of His People, and that the lost might know Him. These are things I believe to be in accordance with His revealed will, so I pray them, as commanded, and it is up to Him whether He wishes to hear them or not.

All are commanded to repent and to believe in Christ, but only the regenerate can. All others including myself are unable to due to their sin. I have tried. I have turned away from my known sins for short periods of time, but I always turned back. I possess knowledge and assent to the Gospel, but not trust that He has saved me, because, for a million reasons including some you have correctly stated, I do not believe that He has, and certainly I don't believe He should, although He is sovereign, and what I think He should or should not do is relevant to approximately nothing.

One cannot come to Him apart from repentance and faith, and one cannot receive these gifts unless God has granted them, and drawn the person in question to Himself. The chapter you quoted (John 6) is very clear on this, and was spoken in response to people very much like me . . . religious, yet not saved.

What excuse do I have for any of my sin, including but hardly limited to my not having responded appropriately to the Good News of Christ's death and resurrection to secure a people until Himself forever?

NONE.

Not a one.

I realize that.

That is what makes me think I am not only unregenerate, but reprobate. I have heard and understood the Gospel, clearly, for my entire adult life. Yet I remain a wicked sinner. I don't think that is going to change, though I wish it would.

BTW, my Arminian/Pelagian friends have been saying almost the same as you, for decades, though with one important difference. They clearly believe and teach that salvation is up to us. Pray the magic prayer, and "accept Christ," and presto bingo, you're saved. You and our fellow Reformed at least understand that it is not about a decision. If it were, that would have been done long, long ago. Christ and Christ Alone will either save me, or not, and He gets the praise and glory either way. I made the only "choice" I am currently capable of, both in Adam, and also by my words, thoughts, and actions.

Aspiring student of Christ