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Yeah, I know, I am one messed up dude. I suppose God'll take care of things in His own time, and in His own way.
Actually you are in very good company, Nathan. The very fact you are posting here shows you do care in some measure. You know what you ought to be and you are stuck in a rut and are disgusted with your sin. We all go through those times when the Lord seems far off. Don't stop crying out to Him. Don't stop praying. Forget about how you feel. You have every reason to hope in God who has cleansed you from your sins. Start taking every thought captive. Confess your sins and ask the Lord to take away your hate and give you compassion for those people around you who are lost sinners with no hope. The book Spiritual Depression by Martyn Lloyd Jones might help you. It helped me when I had the blues like you do now.