I do even if I may not show it, understand total depravity.. I understand that according to total depravity that I am empty of all good; and not only am I empty of good, but I am full of all bad.. I look at the scriptures brought before me by yourself and others such as pilgrim and my old youth pastor and I truly wonder about them.. God created man.... Why??? Not because he needed us, but wanted us for something?? I feel that scripture shows a tremendous love between father and son. (God and Christ Jesus) and we (humans) are nothing but a gift from father to son. If God were creating a gift for His son, why would he only choose some? If every thing He created is/was perfect, why not allow all to be given? I am truly sorrowed by the idea that the God I believe in would not offer hope of eternal life with Him to every single person He created.. Why should my eternal life or death be any different than the next? I sin and make mistakes just as much as the next guy and yet God gave me eternal life and not that next guy.. I am like I said, intrigued and saddened by this thought.. Before I forget though, it seems as if choice is still mans... Pilgrim made it sound as if I make my choices but God guides me by circumstances and things of the sort WITHOUT changing my will or bending my will... If I am walking down a hall and there are hundreds of doors leading either left or right and I want to walk in a door but God does not want me there so he shuts it.. Is that not forcing me somewhere else? Sure I may choose to walk through another door but my desire was still the first door.. I know also that I may find greater joy in door two than the first I would have chosen and God knew that and that is the reason he closed the first door yet my question still remains.. is that not the same?