Here are more notes I had from a study I did from J. C. Ryle's book Holiness on the chapter on Sanctification that may be of some help to you. You are right that it is important for us to be holy and to please the Lord. No one who has responded to you on this forum wants to minimize this at all. May the Lord make this crystal clear to you and help you to understand that Christ's work of justification is a finished work and our salvation rests on Him alone so that no true child of God could ever lose that which Christ has won for him!
Susan [Linked Image]

[color:red]Justification is a finished work and rests entirely on Christ's work done for me.
"The only righteousness in which we can appear before God is the righteousness of another--even the perfect righteousness of our Substitute and Representative, Jesus Christ the Lord."

"Sanctification is the inward spiritual work which the Lord Jesus Christ works in a man by the Holy Spirit when he calls him to be a true believer." (J.C. Ryle)[color:red] We can never be more justified, but we can be more sanctified.

Sanctification is God's will for us. I Thess 4:3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification:

It is a result of abiding in Christ. Jn 15:5

Without sanctification there is no real spiritual life. James 2:17-20 ; 1 Jn 2:29; 1 Jn 3:9-14; 1 Jn 5:4-18

It is evidence of the Holy Spirit's presence. Romans 8:9; Galatians 5:22,25; Romans 8:14

It is a mark of God's election. 2 Thess 2:13; 1 Peter 1:22
Thess 2:13; Romans 8:29; Eph 1:41 Thess 1:3,4

It is our own fault if we are not holy.

We can grow in sanctification. 2 Peter 3:18; 1 Thess 4:1; Jn 17:17; 1 Thess 4:3

We must expect inward spiritual conflict. Our hearts are occupied by two rival camps. Galatians 5:17; Romans 7:22

We must be diligent in using the means God has given us such as Bible reading, private prayer, worship, hearing faithful preaching, communion, etc.

All our works are imperfect, but our efforts can be pleasing to God when done with the right heart much as a small child's efforts can please his parent.

[color:red]Sanctification cannot justify us, yet it pleases God. Romans 3:20-28; 1 Jn 3:22

Our works will be examined for evidence of grace. Jn 5:29; 2 Cor 5:10; Rev 20:13

We must be made fit for heaven. God wants to make us holy. We must not become discouraged that so many flaws remain in us. The more light we have, the more we will see our own imperfections and we will be ashamed. We are debtors to mercy and grace every hour.

"The Lord Jesus Christ has undertaken everything that His people's souls require; not only to deliver them from the guilt of their sins, but from the dominion of their sins, by placing in their hearts the Holy Spirit; not only to justify them, but also to sanctify them. He is, thus, not only their righteousness, but their sanctification."

1 Cor 1:30 He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption.

Jn 17:19 And for their sake I consecrate myself, [3] that they also may be sanctified [4] in truth.

Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Titus 2:14 ... who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

Colossians 1:22,23 ... he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation [7] under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.
All quotes from the ESV